THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S MASHUPS - "DOCTOR WHO & THE CURSE OF KINGDOM HOSPITAL"

In the eerie corridors of Kingdom Hospital, the very fabric of reality seems to warp and twist. Built upon the scorched remnants of a Civil War-era mill in Lewiston, Maine, the hospital is no stranger to the supernatural. It's a place where the past and present collide, where the veil between the worlds grows thin, and where the echoes of the children who perished in a tragic fire still linger.

The hospital staff, a motley crew of eccentric personalities, have grown accustomed to the peculiar happenings within these walls, from unexplained phenomena to the frequent, unsettling tremors that seem to emanate from the very bowels of the earth.

Enter the Tenth Doctor, a charismatic and enigmatic Time Lord with a penchant for adventure and a deep-seated aversion to injustice. With his trusty TARDIS parked discreetly in the shadows, the Doctor, portrayed by the brilliant David Tennant, finds himself drawn to the hospital's supernatural allure. His arrival coincides with that of two peculiar patients: Peter Rickman, a talented artist left comatose by a hit-and-run, and Sally Druse, a psychic whose visions of the hospital's haunted history are too vivid to ignore.

As the Doctor navigates the hospital's corridors, he encounters the sinister teenage boy who haunts the premises, a young girl whose tragic death in the fire that consumed the original hospital binds her spirit to the site, and Antubis, a mysterious entity resembling a giant anteater with a fearsome set of teeth. 

With his keen intellect and centuries of experience, the Doctor begins to unravel the threads of a mystery that ties the hospital's current inhabitants to its spectral past. Kingdom Hospital, already a nexus of the paranormal, becomes a stage for the Doctor's timeless battle against injustice and suffering. With each moment, the Doctor peels back layers of the hospital's haunted past, all while offering a glimmer of hope and healing to those he encounters.

The Tenth Doctor's presence brings a new dynamic to the hospital's daily drama. His interactions with the staff, including the cynical yet compassionate Dr. Hook and the arrogant chief of surgery Dr. Stegman, add layers of complexity to the unfolding narrative. 

The Doctor's advanced alien technology and understanding of the paranormal provide fresh perspectives on the hospital's hauntings, and his ability to navigate time and space offers hope for uncovering the truth behind the hospital's eerie occurrences.

As the story progresses, the Doctor's influence becomes evident. He aids Mrs. Druse in her quest to communicate with the spirits, offering solace to the restless dead and seeking to heal the wounds of history that the hospital embodies. His compassion extends to the living as well, as he forms a bond with the comatose Peter Rickman, whose own journey through the shadowy realm between life and death mirrors the Doctor's travels through the darker corners of the universe.

Together, the Doctor and his allies face the daunting task of saving Mary, a young patient trapped between life and death, her spirit ensnared by the hospital's malevolent forces.

The key to Mary's salvation lies in the mysterious concept of Swedenborgian space, a realm beyond the physical, where the spiritual and material worlds converge. Drawing inspiration from the theological writings of Emanuel Swedenborg, the Doctors deduce that to reach Mary, they must transcend the boundaries of conventional reality and venture into this spiritual dimension.

Harnessing the Tenth Doctor's extensive knowledge of the cosmos and Doctor Hook's deep understanding of the human psyche, they embark on a perilous journey to Swedenborgian space. This ethereal plane is a tapestry of consciousness, where thoughts and emotions manifest as tangible landscapes, and the soul's deepest desires and fears are laid bare.

Navigating through this surreal expanse, the Doctors encounter a series of trials that test their resolve and their very essence. They confront manifestations of Mary's inner turmoil, each challenge bringing them closer to the core of her imprisoned spirit.

In a climactic moment, the Tenth Doctor employs his sonic screwdriver, not as a tool of physical manipulation, but as a beacon of hope, resonating with the frequency of Mary's soul. Doctor Hook, with his surgical precision, disentangles the psychic knots binding Mary, allowing her essence to flow freely.

As they reach the heart of Swedenborgian space, the Doctors find themselves in a celestial courtroom, where Mary's fate hangs in the balance. The Tenth Doctor, with his characteristic eloquence, pleads for Mary's release, arguing for the sanctity of life and the power of redemption. Doctor Hook, with quiet intensity, affirms the Doctor's words, his own experiences within Kingdom Hospital lending weight to their plea.

The verdict is rendered by the spirits presiding over this otherworldly tribunal, and Mary is granted a peaceful entry into the afterlife. The Doctors, triumphant, head back through the labyrinth of the hospital and leave Swedenborgian space, returning to the familiar halls of Kingdom Hospital.

Mary's awakening is a testament to the indomitable spirit of those who seek to heal and protect. The Tenth Doctor and Doctor Hook, through their journey to the very edge of existence, have not only saved a life but have also reaffirmed the interconnectedness of all beings, across all planes of existence.

This fusion of "Kingdom Hospital" and "Doctor Who" lore creates a narrative rich with philosophical depth and spiritual wonder, inviting viewers to ponder the mysteries that lie just beyond the veil of our perceived reality. It's a story that celebrates the courage to explore the unknown and the compassion to save a soul adrift in the cosmos.

The Tenth Doctor's journey through Kingdom Hospital is one of mystery, heartache, and ultimately, hope. His influence extends beyond the physical realm, touching the lives of both the living and the dead. In a place where the veil between worlds is thin, the Doctor proves that even in the darkest of places, there's always a chance for redemption and the healing power of kindness.

This reimagined plot of "Kingdom Hospital" weaves the essence of the Tenth Doctor into the fabric of the story, creating a narrative that honours the spirit of both the original series and the beloved character from "Doctor Who". It's a tale that transcends time and space, reminding us that sometimes, the most extraordinary heroes are the ones who simply care enough to stop and help.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S MASHUPS: "SNOW WHITE: A TALE OF TERROR" FEATURING THE 10TH DOCTOR & MARTHA JONES

Once upon a time, in a land gripped by the chill of approaching winter and the shadow of the Crusades, a tale of terror and magic unfolded. The noblewoman, Lady Claudia, harboured a dark secret and a growing hatred for her stepdaughter, Lilli Hoffman. But this story takes an unexpected turn with the arrival of two wanderers from the stars: the Tenth Doctor and his companion, Martha Jones.

As the original tale goes, Lilli's mother dies tragically in childbirth, leading her father to remarry the noble yet secretly malevolent Lady Claudia. Driven by a dark mirror's power, Claudia's envy and hatred for Lilli grow, culminating in a murderous intent. However, the Doctor's arrival introduces a beacon of hope. With his TARDIS inadvertently parked in the Hoffman estate's expansive grounds, the Doctor becomes entangled in the family's turbulent affairs.

The Doctor, with his keen sense of justice and adventure, is immediately drawn to the mysterious events surrounding the Hoffman estate, while Martha's medical expertise and compassionate nature lead her to care for the troubled Lilli.

The Doctor, ever the pacifist, disapproves of Claudia's reliance on dark arts and attempts to mediate the escalating tension between stepmother and stepdaughter. His presence at the Hoffmans' ball, an event meant to celebrate the impending birth of Claudia's child, becomes a turning point. When Lilli, in defiance, dons her late mother's gown, the Doctor recognizes the fabric of time fraying, sensing the impending tragedy.

Claudia's descent into madness, spurred by the loss of her child, is met with the Doctor's compassion and a determination to prevent further bloodshed. As Lilli flees into the dark forest, the Doctor follows, not in his TARDIS but on foot, understanding that some paths must be walked, not travelled through time and space.

As the plot thickens, Lady Claudia's true nature as a practitioner of the dark arts is revealed. Her obsession with a magical mirror, which promises her power over all living things, drives her to the brink of madness. The Doctor and Martha, with their experience in dealing with the supernatural and the extra-terrestrial, begin to unravel the threads of enchantment and deceit woven by Claudia.

Lilli, innocent and kind-hearted, finds herself the target of her stepmother's malevolent schemes. After a failed attempt on her life, Lilli flees into the deep, dark forest, where she encounters not seven dwarfs but seven ruffian gold miners. The Doctor and Martha, following clues and using their wits, track Lilli to her woodland refuge.

Together, they devise a plan to protect Lilli and confront Claudia. The Doctor, with his sonic screwdriver and knowledge of alien technologies, dismantles the mirror's magical hold, while Martha uses her medical skills to counteract the poisonous effects of Claudia's spells.

In the climactic battle, the mirror's power is turned against Claudia, and she falls victim to her own dark ambitions. Lilli, with the support the Doctor and Martha, and of her new friends from the mine, reclaims her rightful place in the Hoffman estate, and the land is freed from the terror that once gripped it.

As peace is restored, the Doctor and Martha prepare to depart, their presence in this tale a reminder that even in the darkest of stories, hope can be found, and heroes can come from the most unexpected places. With a flash of light and the whirring sound of the TARDIS, they vanish, leaving behind a legacy of courage and a tale that will be told for generations to come.

And so, the story of "Snow White: A Tale of Terror" is transformed, with the Tenth Doctor and Martha Jones bringing a touch of the extraordinary to a tale as old as time. Their adventure in this gothic landscape serves as a testament to the enduring power of friendship, bravery, and the triumph of good over evil. The end, or perhaps, just the beginning of another fantastic journey through time and space.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S MASHUPS: "TONY STARK & THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE"

In the 1987 cult classic "Masters of the Universe", the fate of the universe hangs in the balance as the heroic warrior He-Man and his companions, Man-At-Arms and Teela, battle the dark forces of Skeletor. But what if a young genius by the name of Tony Stark, was thrust into this intergalactic conflict?

On the war-torn planet of Eternia, Skeletor has seized control of Castle Grayskull, imprisoning the Sorceress and planning to claim ultimate power by moonrise. He-Man and his allies rescue the locksmith Gwildor, inventor of the Cosmic Key, a device capable of opening portals with musical notes. In a desperate attempt to thwart Skeletor's plans, they use the Key to escape to Earth, where they encounter two high-school teenagers, Kevin and Julie.

Among their classmates is a teenage Tony Stark, a prodigious inventor on a school exchange program with a penchant for technology and a knack for getting into trouble. Tony, a friend of Kevin and Julie, is fascinated by the Key. Kevin, an aspiring musician, believes the Key to be a new Japanese synthesizer and takes it to a music store run by his friend Charlie. 

At the school, Skeletor's henchmen arrive through a portal and chase Julie, who is rescued by He-Man while he and his companions search for the Key. The henchmen retreat to Grayskull where, incensed by their failure, Skeletor plans to return with a larger force.

As Skeletor's minions descend upon Earth, Tony's ingenuity proves invaluable. Drawing from his early designs of a prototype suit of powered armour he has been developing in his host family's garage, Tony crafts makeshift defences to aid He-Man's fight against the invaders. His garage, filled with gadgets and gizmos, becomes an important strategic meeting point for the group.

However, Skeletor's forces catch up with them, recover the Key and summon Skeletor to Earth. Julie is wounded by Skeletor's lightning blast, which simultaneously erases the memory storage of Gwildor's Key. He-Man surrenders to save his comrades and is returned to Eternia as Skeletor's prisoner. Skeletor attempts to torture He-Man into submission to make his victory complete, but He-Man refuses to yield. The moment arrives for Skeletor to receive the power of the cosmos and declare himself the Master of the Universe.

On Earth, Gwildor and Tony repair the Cosmic Key and Kevin re-creates the tones necessary to create a gateway to Eternia. The group are transported to Castle Grayskull, where they begin battling Skeletor's forces. The final showdown sees Tony don a primitive version of his armoured suit, and he frees He-Man in order to allow him to face Skeletor in one-on-one combat. With Tony's intellect, weaponry and He-Man's strength, they manage to repel Skeletor's forces as He-Man finally defeats Skeletor once and for all, reclaiming Castle Grayskull for the forces of good.

In the aftermath, as He-Man and his companions bid them farewell, Tony is left with a new sense of purpose. Inspired by the courage, honour and valour of his extra-terrestrial friends, he dedicates himself to refining his armour and technology, setting the stage for the hero he will one day become – Iron Man.

This reimagined plot not only adds a layer of technological wonder to the fantasy realm of "Masters of the Universe" but also bridges two iconic universes, creating a thrilling narrative that fans of both franchises would revel in. The inclusion of a young Tony Stark offers a glimpse into the early influences that shaped the future Avenger, blending the magic of Eternia with the marvels of Stark's ingenuity.

So, grab your popcorn and strap in for a wild ride through space, time, and the heart of teenage heroism. This is "Masters of the Universe" like you've never seen it before – where every teenager has the chance to have the power.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S MASHUPS: "INDIANA JONES & THE RETURN TO OZ"

In the reimagined adventure of "Return to Oz", Dorothy Gale finds herself once again whisked away from the sepia tones of Kansas to the vibrant and perilous lands of Oz. This time, however, she's not alone. By her side is her daring and resourceful cousin, Henry "Indiana" Jones, whose thirst for adventure rivals her own.  

Dorothy's Aunt Em and Uncle Henry take her to the sanatorium of Dr. Worley, where Indy is studying for the summer. Concerned her continued obsession with the Land of Oz is a sign of delusion, Worley and his assistant, Nurse Wilson, plan to administer electro-shock therapy to Dorothy, before a lightning storm causes a power failure. Dorothy is rescued by a mysterious girl, who tells her Worley's machines damage patients, and the two escape. Nurse Wilson chases the girls into a river, where Indy gets into a fight with her. Indy and Dorothy float away on a chicken coop, unable to save the other girl.

Dorothy and Indy, much to Dorothy's surprise, find they have arrived in a much-changed Oz. They follow a badly-damaged yellow brick road to the Emerald City, which is in ruins, its citizens, including the Tin Man and Cowardly Lion, are turned to stone and a new villain, the Nome King, reigns with an iron fist.

One of the first obstacles they face is the treacherous Deadly Desert that surrounds Oz. The sands of this desert are alive and turn any living creature that touches them into sand. Indy, with his adventurous spirit, ingeniously crafts a pair of makeshift shoes, allowing them to glide over the perilous sands safely. Indy's knowledge of ancient artefacts and history helps them decipher clues and navigate the treacherous landscapes of Oz. Throughout their journey, Dorothy and Indy's relationship grows stronger. They learn from each other, with Dorothy's pure-hearted bravery complementing Indy's adventurous cunning.  

As they venture deeper into Oz, they encounter the Wheelers - sinister creatures with wheels instead of hands and feet, who patrol the ruins of the Emerald City. They are saved by a mechanical man, Tik-Tok, who explains he was told by Scarecrow, the king of Oz, to await Dorothy's return. Indy's quick reflexes with his whip together with is brawling skills, and Dorothy's clever thinking help them outmanoeuvre the Wheelers, using Tik-Tok's mechanical strength to their advantage to escape unscathed. As they journey through Oz, Indy's bravado and adventurous spirit push them to take risks and think creatively. Dorothy, inspired by her cousin's fearless nature, finds a new strength within herself.

Their next challenge comes in the form of Mombi, the wicked witch with a collection of interchangeable heads. To retrieve the Powder of Life, essential for their quest, Indy and Dorothy must sneak into Mombi's palace. Indy's knowledge of traps and stealth from his treasure-hunting experience proves vital as they navigate the dark corridors filled with magical alarms and enchanted sentries. Locked in a tower, the group encounter Jack Pumpkinhead, who explains he was brought to life by Mombi's Powder of Life. Dorothy steals the powder from Mombi whilst Indy constructs a flying creature from furniture and the head of the Gump, a moose-like animal, which flies them across the Deadly Desert to the Nome King's mountain, pursued by Mombi and the Wheelers.

The most harrowing challenge awaits them in the underground kingdom of the Nome King, who has transformed the citizens of Oz into ornaments. The Nome King's cavern is a labyrinth of illusions and riddles, and he challenges the group to a dangerous game. Each must choose an ornament that they believe is a transformed citizen. If they guess incorrectly, they too will become part of his collection. Indy's love for puzzles and riddles comes to the forefront as he attempts decipher the Nome King's cryptic clues. However, the Gump, Jack, Tik-Tok and Indy all fail and are turned into ornaments themselves.

Before Dorothy begins her turn the Nome King reveals he has her lost ruby slippers, which he used to conquer Oz, and offers to use them to send her home instead, but Dorothy refuses. With her third and final guess she selects a green gem, which turns into Scarecrow. Realising inhabitants of Oz turn into green objects, Dorothy finds and restores Jack, Tik-Tok and the Gump. Enraged, the Nome King imprisons Mombi as punishment for Dorothy’s escape, then grows to gigantic size. He prepares to eat Jack, before Billina lays an egg that falls into the Nome King's mouth, poisoning him. Dorothy retrieves the ruby slippers and hurriedly puts them on as the subterranean Nome kingdom collapses. She wishes for the group to return to the Emerald City, where she restores Indy from a green medal on Gump's antler.

The people of Oz ask Dorothy to be their Queen, but she desires to return home, while Billina chooses to stay. Princess Ozma - the girl from the sanatorium and rightful ruler of Oz, who was imprisoned in a mirror by Mombi - is then freed and ascends the throne. Dorothy gives Ozma the ruby slippers, which she uses them to send Dorothy and Indy home, promising she can return in the future if she wishes. 

Dorothy is found by her family on a riverbank in Kansas, where Aunt Em tells her that the clinic burned down, with everyone except Worley surviving. Nurse Wilson is arrested for her part in Worley’s experiments. Returning home, Dorothy sees Billina and Ozma through her bedroom mirror and calls for Aunt Em, but they signal for her to keep Oz a secret.

The film ends with Dorothy and Indy back in Kansas, but this time she has a treasure trove of memories and the knowledge that she has a cousin who shares her love for the extraordinary. As for Indy, he's off to his next adventure, his appetite for discovery as insatiable as ever. "Return to Oz" with a twist of Indiana Jones is a tale of courage, friendship, and the unbreakable ties of family, set against the backdrop of one of the most magical worlds ever created.

ON THE BRINK...

Here we stand folks, teetering on the edge of an abyss where the only thing we can count on falling is the other shoe. The world, in its infinite wisdom or lack thereof, seems to have decided that the brink of disaster is not just a place to visit, but a location to settle down in permanently. 

You might think that the nuclear standoff between nations would be enough drama for one lifetime, but no, the human condition insists on adding more layers to its own melodrama. Russia, that once mighty bear, now growls with the uncertainty of a creature whose den has been invaded by termites of insurrection. The Kremlin, a symbol of unyielding power, now finds itself in the crosshairs of its own citizens, who, it seems, have grown weary of the bear's roar. Assassinations are whispered about like the latest gossip on the Moscow metro. 

Meanwhile, back in the land of the free, or at least, the land where freedom is negotiated through the digital corridors of Silicon Valley, Firefox stands on its own precipice. Not the brink of nuclear war, thank heavens, but the brink of irrelevance. Once the darling of the open-source community, it now languishes in the shadow of Chrome, like a once-famous poet reciting his verses in an empty room. 

But let's not forget the financial brink. Companies, once titans of industry, now stagger under the weight of their own hubris. Stoli Vodka, in a twist of irony, finds itself in the legal equivalent of a hangover, navigating bankruptcy in America while still trying to toast to better times. And the retail landscape? It's like watching the last leaves of autumn fall; Forever 21, a name that now seems to mock its own ephemerality, struggles under the weight of its brick-and-mortar legacy.

In the realm of science fiction, which often mirrors our reality with a touch of hyperbole, we see a narrative of human ambition and folly. The continuous human presence in space, once a dream, now a reality, but with the population count more akin to a village than a bustling metropolis. We dream of stars while our feet are still firmly planted in the mud of our own making.

And what of our cultural icons? Taylor Swift, with the power to sway elections more than any politician, her call to vote more effective than any campaign slogan. It's a world where pop stars have more influence over democracy than the debates of the day. 

In all this, one can only marvel at the human capacity for drama, for living on the edge of one's seat, for creating a brink where none need exist. We've turned the brink into a home, a lifestyle, a permanent condition. And as we peer over, one cannot help but wonder — is there a safety net below, or are we all just learning to fly, or more likely, fall, with style?

Thus, we remain, ever on the brink, with the only certainty being the next crisis, the next scandal, the next chance to see if we can push just a little bit further without falling over. Here's to us, the brink-dwellers, may we never find the bottom, or if we do, may it be soft and bouncy like a cartoon cliff. 

Clive James would have said, if he were here, that we're all characters in a play where the script is being written by madmen, and the only sensible thing to do is laugh, lest we cry.