The signs say Valentine's Day is here. Then again they've been saying it as soon as the Christmas cards came off the bloody shelves. Heart-shaped chocolate boxes fill display windows. Dozens of fresh red roses all on special sale. But just what on earth is it about February 14th that makes the heart go wild ?? For all its glamour in support of love, Valentine's Day has few devout lovers of its own, least of all me ...
Back when I was a little kid in school, Valentine’s Day meant a class assembly, pink-frosted fairy cakes and a Looney Tunes card from everyone in the class. Nowadays, Cupid's arrow seems to bring more loath than love. Much of the enthusiasm that one generally associates with Valentine’s Day is lost in the anticipation of knowing exactly what to expect.
Or, as in my case, to dread.
I don't know a sole single guy who remotely likes, or looks forward to, Valentine's Day. If they tell you they're into it, don't believe them, they are lying through every possible facial orifice it is possible to lie out of. Valentine's Day is the yappy-dog-that-fits-in-a-pocket-book of holidays.
If it was a Top Gear presenter, it would be Richard Hammond.
Couples, if nothing else, at least have a set code of conduct for February 14th. Dinner. Gifts. Being extra cute and cuddly. And yet, then the next day, it's back to business as usual ?? It makes one wonder why this single day is supposed to define a relationship as opposed to the other perfectly good 364. And by the way, don’t you people know that there’s an economic recession / credit crunch on ??
However, unless couples can keep the romancing up throughout the entire year, Valentine's Day will last just as long as it takes the roses to wilt or the credit card bill to show up. And all this expense spent despite the fact the classic Valentine's date usually barely extends past the tacky FD Hinds bracelet to the fancy dinner.
For singles, Valentine's Day can do significantly more damage to the heart than good. No other holiday singles unattached people out so deliberately. And disenchanted singles like yours truly have heavily promoted the cause against Valentine's Day for years. One look on the Internet and one often finds hoards of ‘stop-the-sappiness’ commentaries and advertisements for Single's Awareness Day. I should know, of course, because I joined most of them on Facebook back in the day.
The history of Valentine's Day itself is also a vague one - there's more than one story about the martyrdom of St. Valentine, and it seems the only thing that can be agreed upon is that he was a total prat / utter imbecile / complete moron / deluded idiot hopeless romantic.
How Valentine's Day even came to fall on February 14 has its own debate: is February the month of romance; or the anniversary of St. Valentine's death; or was the middle of February a time for purification being it was the beginning of spring in ancient Rome ??
We can't even decide who the hell St. Valentine actually WAS, let alone why in the world February 14 has been labelled his ‘day’, so why in the name of all that is holy has our culture made such a production out of it ??
But, let me see if I actually understand this myth correctly. Sometime around 1,500 years ago there may (or may not) have been a priest or a monk that married soldiers, joined a cult, scared off dogs, and resurrected some dead cherubs. Just what exactly does this have to do with little cloud-dwelling angels firing arrows and stuffed animals holding flowers ??
About as much as "Fifty Shades of Gray" has to do with writing, plot and good fiction. In other words, slightly less than bugger all.
There is no getting away from it; Valentine's Day is just bloody rotten. If someone truly cared about you, I think you'd hear it more often than once a year, presented with a heart shaped cardboard box filled with cheap chocolates made with oils and lard and a recycled card picked up for £1.50 in a petrol station.
And just how did they decide to use this to decree that we singletons are left to spend this day feeling utterly miserable, desperately vulnerable, immensely frustrated, deeply resentful, bitter, lonely, angry, hurt, and helplessly inadequate ?? And for those who are bereaved, lost someone close to them, or have experienced relationship breakdowns, particularly if it is a recent loss, Valentine’s Day can stir up many emotions, some of which can be really distressing.
Certainly for me it does.
But the main reason why I truly dislike Valentine's Day actually isn't because of the cheap cards, the flowers that decide to shrivel up and die within 12 hours or the overpriced heart-shaped-boxed choccies. The world's expensive enough as it, thank you very much.
I don't like Valentine's Day because it has become used as an excuse for us as a species to be utterly lazy with such a crucial and fundamentally important human emotion; love. Love is not an achievement, it's a responsibility, as humans we thrive on shared experiences, in fact, it’s what we’re all about. And Valentine's Day completely undermines that with such balatant commercialisation it makes my blood (and most of my other bodily fluids come to think of it) boil.
Valentine’s day is supposed to be a day to celebrate love, but it should also be a day to celebrate different kinds of relationships. People who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or asexual, transgender or who desire or are in an alternative relationship, may also struggle with the damned day either because they do not feel able to be open about their alternative sexualities, lifestyles or relationships; or that they want to be but know that this would lead to problems.
For example, the only gay or lesbian couple in a restaurant full of straight couples on Valentine’s Day night might feel threatened – or even worse, be met with hostility and abuse from others.
And for a day that's meant to be about love, that makes it even more pathetic.
It's nothing more than a pathetic justification for people to scribble a message under a soppy verse written by a faceless employee in a mass-produced Chinese card factory, say it's "romantic," and figure that they've done their part for the year. Ice cream and teddy bear factories around the world must be rolling around in our grudgingly-given money, but as The Beatles famously sang; “Money Can't Buy You Love."
It’s no co-incidence that Valentines’ Day this year is directly preceded by the unluckiest, most dreaded, and most feared day of the year ... Friday the 13th.
If you ask me, they complement each other just perfectly.