In the midst of the fug I am currently going through about my lack of having a girlfriend (and having potentially missed out on one yet AGAIN !!), there are few things in life at the moment that make me truly happy. "Doctor Who" is finally back on our screens, Guinness, pizza and whiskey also feature pretty highly, as is having lots of money to go to comic cons instead of spending it on relationships, pensions, mortgages and children.
But nothing, oh absolutely nothing on God's green Earth, makes me happier about voting for Brexit last year than hearing that snivelling, slimy, odious, pathetic, perverted little bourgeoisie twat Jean-Claude Juncker's bitter and arrogant response to our perfectly democratic decision to bugger off out of his distopian little pseudo-Soviet empire / Borg collective / Fourth Reich last year.
He is undoubtedly shitting himself, because if the European Union collapsed, he would probably struggle to get a job on a parish council in Norfolk. Had this hare-brained, feeble-minded, not to mention horrendously ugly love-child of Bernie Ecclestone and Sepp Blatter got his way, anyone with a job and an independent, free-thinking lifestyle would have been squeezed by the parts until they bled. And then squeezed a little more. Then, eventually, men in uniforms would have come around to your house to take it away along with all your money, your blu-ray players, iPods, and children to give to people who make pipe bombs and drive around on pavements, killing people in urban city centres.
The man probably masturbates over the prospect of a federal Super-state with him as an ultimate, unchallenged, Palpatane-esque` ruler in his sleep,. If ever there was a symbol of the arrogance of the European Union, and its utter contempt for the personal liberty of its own citizens, it is this man. I'd love to punch him in his snidy little mush, then kick him in the bollocks as hard as humanly possible with a steel toe capped boot covered in rusty old nails.
This half-man, half-turkey hybrid. My God, he's ugly. He's really got a face only a mother could love. And that's if his mother had cataracts so bad they could be sent to a glass blowers and turned into marbles. Talk about a welder's bench. His father must have been a vulture, given how he looks and acts like one. Someone from CSI run his DNA please, because it cannot possibly be 100% human.
The reason that pricks like Juncker, Tusk et al are mouthing off, is because they’re becoming increasingly nervous. Their jobs depended on the UK voting to stay in the EU, but instead of trying to sweet talk us, or use facts and logic, they chose to use threats and insults. An out vote in France, should it happen, will bring about the end of the EU, and their vastly overpaid, cushy, unelected jobs of sheer pointlessness. As I said, that scares them, because it means they lose their undeserved positions of power. In a strange way, they’ve actually managed to prove Boris Johnson right, of all people.
Juncker the Joker is spiteful, he is petty, and he seemingly wants to cut his nose off to spite his face. He has shown his true colours, his view is clear: everyone must stick to the same, sterile, staid, standardised, outdated rules. His rules, even where they may irreparably damage you and make about as much sense as putting a handbrake on the Titanic. Should you leave, we will damage you further. Like a fire escape surrounded by an alligator-infested moat covered in barbed wire.
What a complete and utter bellend. The man’s a sadomasochist in a boring, ill-fitting suit. Stalin after a shave and with new spectacles. The very embodiment of Fifty Shades of Grey. That must make Nicola Sturgeon the modern day political equivalent of Anastasia Steele. Wanting to leave the UK in order to jump back into the EU is like divorcing your husband because he's little bit clingy, then marrying Max Mosely instead.
Earlier today, Juncker turned to Nigel Farage and asked him why he was still there. What a prick. It was a moment that shone a spotlight on what this waste of blood and organs really feels: he wants Britain to go so he can pretend the EU’s problems aren’t there, like George Osborne spending the last few days under the stairs pretending the economy wasn’t there, and start building his new little Soviet empire.
The problems of the EU, however, are only growing larger, and they do so because men like him refuse to change. Refuse to acknowledge. Refuse to act. Refuse to listen to the fact that ordinary, working-class people are sick to the back teeth of being told what to do by a simpering little coward who never had a single vote cast for him to get to where he is, and are voting across Europe with their feet to tell him to fuck the fuck off back to where he belongs, and to fuck off even more when he gets there. Even if he ended up on the dark side of the moon, the moon would be telling him to fuck off even further.
You would assume that the most powerful politicians in all of Europe are democratically elected, but no. The European Commission – the face of the EU and sole proposer of legislation – is entirely appointed. That alone makes them more faceless than a TOWIE actress and, unsurprisingly, it has led to the creation of a bureaucratic behemoth.
Even Adolf Hitler stood for election. People actually cast votes for one of the most reviled dictators in history. This means that Jean-Claude Juncker, the laughably-titled 'President of the EU', has more in common politically with Zaphod Beeblebrox than the man who wrote "Mein Kampf", started the Second World War and initiated the Holocaust. Come to think of it, the EU was Hitler's idea in the first place !! Juncker's not just a moron, he's a bloody plagiarist to boot !! Condemn the UK if you dare try son, but at least we now have the chance to ensure we are no longer lectured to by an absolute cockwomble like him, and I, for one, am delighted about it.
So long, Jean-Claude, and thanks for all the fishing quotas.
Because that is the only thing that history will ever remember you for, you arrogant, smug, narcissistic, nosey, odious, slimy, creepy, snivelling, smelly, hand-wringing, sodden, simpering, fat, rude, irritating, bullying, ugly, senile, pathetic, small-penised, drunken little Luxembourgish cunt.