THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S PREDICTIONS FOR 2024

January: The world breathed a sigh of relief as the pandemic finally came to an end, thanks to the miraculous vaccine developed by a team of scientists in Antarctica. However, the celebration was short-lived, as a new virus emerged, dubbed "penguin flu", which was resistant to all existing vaccines and treatments. The only way to avoid infection was to wear a full-body suit made of feathers.

February: Elon Musk announced his plan to colonize Mars by 2030, and invited anyone who wanted to join him to sign up for a one-way ticket. Thousands of people applied, hoping to escape the chaos and misery on Earth. However, they soon discovered that the trip was not as glamorous as they had imagined, as they had to endure cramped spaceships, recycled food, and constant exposure to cosmic radiation every time they needed to take a sh*t.

March: A massive cyberattack crippled the internet, causing widespread panic and confusion. The hackers, who called themselves "The Luddites", claimed that they wanted to restore humanity to its natural state, free from technology and artificial intelligence. They demanded that all governments and corporations surrender their digital assets and devices, or face further attacks. The world was plunged into darkness, as people struggled to communicate, work, and entertain themselves without the internet. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected.

April: A giant asteroid, named "Apophis", was detected heading towards Earth, with a high probability of impact. NASA launched a desperate mission to deflect it, using a nuclear bomb attached to a rocket. However, the bomb failed to detonate, and instead pushed the asteroid closer to Earth. The impact was expected to cause global devastation, mass extinction, and the postponement of a number of Scottish football league fixtures.

May: In a surprising twist of fate, Apophis missed Earth by a hair's breadth, thanks to a gravitational slingshot from the Moon. The world rejoiced, as the asteroid flew past harmlessly. However, the celebration was short-lived, as Apophis had been on course to land directly on Harry's Styles' house.

June: A mysterious phenomenon occurred, as millions of people around the world reported seeing visions of their deceased loved ones. Some believed that it was a sign of the afterlife, while others suspected that it was a hoax or a hallucination. Scientists were baffled by the phenomenon, until they realised that the Doctor Who episode "Army of Ghosts" had been released on Oculus Rift.

July: A global war broke out, as tensions between major powers escalated over various issues, such as climate change, trade disputes, territorial claims, nuclear proliferation, and who had pinched the last Kit-Kat from the UN biscuit tin. The war was fought with conventional weapons, as well as cyberwarfare and biological warfare. The death toll rose rapidly, as cities were bombed, infrastructure was destroyed, and diseases were spread. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected.

August: A massive earthquake shook the planet, triggering volcanic eruptions and tsunamis. The quake was so powerful that it altered the Earth's axis and rotation speed, causing changes in the climate and seasons. The quake also opened up fissures in the crust, releasing ancient creatures and pathogens that had been dormant for millions of years. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected, and a number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

September: A cult leader named "The Messiah" emerged, claiming that he was sent by God to save humanity from the apocalypse. He amassed a large following of loyal disciples, who believed that he could perform miracles and heal the sick. He also claimed that he had a direct line to God, and that he knew when and how the world would end. However, his claims were dismissed as he was unable to predict if the 16:30 train to Dunstable would arrive on time.

October: A zombie outbreak occurred, as people who had been infected by the penguin flu mutated into flesh-eating monsters. The zombies were fast, strong, and intelligent, and could infect others with a bite or a scratch. They also had a peculiar preference for human brains over other organs. Katie Price was unaffected. A number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

November: A alien invasion took place, as extra-terrestrial beings landed on Earth in massive spaceships. They claimed that they came in peace, and that they wanted to help humanity overcome its problems. However, they soon revealed their true intentions, as they began to abduct humans for experiments and harvest their resources for their own use. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected, and a number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

December: A miracle happened, as the world suddenly returned to normal. All the disasters and calamities that had plagued the year were reversed or erased, as if they had never happened. The people who had died or disappeared were restored to life or returned to their families. The planet was healed and restored to its original state. The cause of this miracle was unknown, but some speculated that it was a gift from God or a cosmic reset button. However, a number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - GONE WITH THE WIND (1939) FEATURING ALL THE DOCTORS

"Gone With the Wind" (1939) is a classic novel and film that tells the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a spoiled Southern belle who lives through the American Civil War and Reconstruction. But what if she also encountered the various incarnations of the Doctor, the time-traveling alien hero from "Doctor Who", in her adventures? Here is a possible plot summary of how that could happen.

The story begins in 1861, when Scarlett is 16 years old and in love with Ashley Wilkes, who is engaged to his cousin Melanie Hamilton. At a barbecue at the Wilkes plantation, she meets an enigmatic elderly gentleman who calls himself the Doctor, a time traveller who has arrived in his TARDIS with his granddaughter Susan and his companions Ian and Barbara. The Doctor warns Scarlett that a war is coming and she should leave Tara, her family's plantation, for her safety, but she disbelieves him. She also meets Rhett Butler, a charming but cynical rogue who is instantly attracted to her.

The American Civil War breaks out and Scarlett's world is turned upside down. She marries Melanie's brother Charles, who dies of pneumonia soon after. She moves to Atlanta with Melanie, who is pregnant with Ashley's child. There, she meets the Second Doctor, who has regenerated into a new body after a battle with the deadly Cybermen. He is accompanied by Jamie and Zoe, who help Scarlett and Melanie escape from the city when it is besieged by the Union army. They also encounter Rhett again, who helps them get past a blockade.

Scarlett returns to Tara, where she finds her mother dead, her father senile, and the plantation in ruins. She vows to never be hungry again and takes charge of the family's survival. She also finds the Third Doctor, who has been exiled to Earth by his race, the Time Lords, and forced to regenerate again. He helps Scarlett to fend off scavengers and carpetbaggers who try to take advantage of the war-torn South. He also introduces her to his companion Jo Grant, who becomes friends with Scarlett.

Scarlett decides to marry her sister's beau Frank Kennedy, who owns a successful store in Atlanta. She uses his money to rebuild Tara and start a lumber business. She meets the Fourth Doctor, who has regenerated after being poisoned by radiation on the planet Metabelis III. He now travels with Sarah Jane Smith and Harry Sullivan, who are investigating a mysterious energy source in Atlanta. They discover that it is caused by the Master, the Doctor's arch-enemy, who plans to use a Time Lord artefact called the Key to Time to destroy the Earth. Together, they destroy the Key and foil the Master's scheme.

Scarlett becomes a wealthy and influential woman in Atlanta, but she is still unhappy. She realizes that she loves Rhett, who has made a fortune as a blockade runner and a gambler. She divorces Frank and marries Rhett, who gives her everything she ever wanted: a lavish mansion, and social acceptance. She comes face to face with the Fifth Doctor, who regenerated after falling from a radio telescope during another battle with the Master. He now travels with Adric, Nyssa and Tegan, who are trying to fix the TARDIS after it was damaged by a Cyberman attack. They join forces with Scarlett and Rhett to thwart a plot by the Black Guardian, who aims to use the Hand of Omega to alter history.

Scarlett's marriage to Rhett begins to fall apart due to her obsession with Ashley. She meets the Sixth Doctor, regenerated after contracting spectrox toxaemia on the planet Androzani and his companion Peri Brown, an American botany student from Fell's Point in Baltimore, Maryland. They encounter a battalion of Sontarans, who are planning to create a clone army and turn the tide of the Civil War in favour of the Confederacy, before intending to usurp them themselves. The Doctor and Peri team up once more with Scarlett and Rhett to stop them. The tide of war turns against the Confederacy after the Battle of Gettysburg, in which any of the men of Scarlett's town are killed. 

Eight months later, as the Union Army besieges the city in the Atlanta campaign, Melanie gives birth with Scarlett's aid, and Rhett helps them flee the city, before he chooses to go off to fight himself. She comes across the Seventh Doctor, who regenerated when his TARDIS was attacked by his rival Time Lord, the Rani. He now travels with Ace, a rebellious teenager from London. They encounter an ancient evil: Fenric, an entity that feeds on chaos and despair, who has manipulated events throughout history to create a web of suffering across America, including triggering the Civil War itself. The Doctor and Ace, together with Scarlett, manage to break his curse, helping to bring an end to the Civil War.

Scarlett realizes that she has lost everything that mattered to her: Rhett, Melanie, Ashley (who has remarried), and Tara (which has been sold). She encounters the Eighth Doctor and his companion, Grace Holloway, a cardiologist who operated on him after being shot by 20th century gangsters in San Francisco, causing him to regenerate once more. They face one of the Doctor's oldest enemies: Davros, the creator of the Daleks. He has escaped from his prison on Skaro and intends to use the Eye of Harmony to take over the universe. The Doctor, Grace and Scarlett are able defeat him, but Scarlett is left feeling fearful of the Daleks after the Doctor chronicles his battles with them to her.

With the defeat of the Confederacy and the end of the Civil War, the O'Haras toil in the cotton fields. One afternoon on a trip to Columbus, Scarlett talks to an elderly Englishman in a who says he too fought in a war, which he refers to as the "Time War", that he 'used to be a Doctor', but refers to himself as such no more. Scarlett decides to start a new life and travels to Ireland, where she reconnects with her ancestral roots. She meets the Ninth Doctor, who regenerated after the Time War. He now travels with Rose Tyler, a shop assistant from London who became his companion after he saved her from the Autons. They witness the Easter Rising, a rebellion against British rule. They also encounter a group of Slitheen, who are disguised as human military leaders and plan to use the rebellion to infiltrate human society to pave the way for a full-scale invasion. The Doctor and Rose are able stop them with Scarlett's help once again.

Scarlett settles in Ireland and becomes involved in the Irish War of Independence and the Irish Civil War. She meets the Tenth Doctor, who regenerated after absorbing the Time Vortex from Rose in order to save her life, and Martha Jones, a medical student from London who joined him after he saved her from the Judoon. They land in Ireland, where they face a new threat: the Weeping Angels, statues that can move when not observed and send people back in time to feed on their time displacement energy. The Doctor and Martha manage to escape from them with Scarlett's assistance, and trap the Angels permanently in a time loop.

Scarlett lives a peaceful life in Ireland until she receives a letter from Rhett, who asks her to come back to him, but not before she runs into the Eleventh Doctor. His companions are Amy Pond and Rory Williams, a married couple from Leadworth. Amy explains to Scarlett that they became his companions years after he crashed his TARDIS in Amy's backyard when she was a child when the Doctor regenerated after defeating the Master and the Time Lords. They encounter a colony of Silurians, reptilian humanoids who were the original inhabitants of Earth, and who want to reclaim their planet from humans. The Doctor, Amy, Rory and Scarlett are able prevent them from doing so, using Scarlett's experiences from the Irish uprising.

Scarlett decides to finally return to America and reunite with Rhett. As she arrives in New York, she comes across the Twelfth Doctor, finally having regenerated after centuries spent fighting the Daleks and Cybermen on Trenzalore. He travels with Clara Oswald, a pretty young school teacher from London who became his companion after he saved her from the Great Intelligence. They they face another old foe of the Doctor's: the Zygons, shape-shifting aliens who can impersonate humans. They have infiltrated the US government and plan to use a device called an Osgood Box to trigger a world war. However, the Doctor, Clara and Scarlett are able to broker a truce, after Scarlett tells them of the immense poverty and suffering caused by the Civil War.

Scarlett finds Rhett waiting for her at Tara, which he has bought back for her. They embrace and declare their love for each other. She meets the Thirteenth Doctor, who to Scarlett's surprise has regenerated into a sprightly blonde woman after falling from a spaceship. She travels with Graham O'Brien, Ryan Sinclair and Yasmin Khan, three friends from Sheffield who became her companions after they encountered an alien threat called the Stenza. Together they face the Morax, parasitic aliens who can possess humans and turn them into mud zombies. They have escaped from their prison in Andersonville, a former Confederate prisoner-of-war camp, to conquer the Earth. Scarlett once again helps the Doctor and her companions to defeat them. 

Scarlett and Rhett have a daughter, Bonnie, but Scarlett still pines for Ashley and, chagrined at the perceived ruin of her figure, refuses to have more children or share a bed with Rhett. One night, she encounters the Fourteenth Doctor, but is shocked to find that he now has a similar appearance to that of his tenth incarnation, and they reminisce about their lives, loves and losses. After the Doctor departs in his TARDIS, Scarlett and Rhett argue about Ashley. A drunken Rhett forces himself upon Scarlett, and carries her against her will to the bedroom. Rhett subsequently apologizes for his behaviour and offers Scarlett a divorce, which she rejects. 

When Rhett returns from a trip to London, Scarlett informs him she is pregnant, but an argument ensues, resulting in her falling down a flight of stairs and, despite help from a strong-willed black English nurse called Ruth Clayton, suffers a miscarriage. While recovering, tragedy strikes when Bonnie dies attempting to jump a fence on her pony. Scarlett and Rhett visit Melanie, who has suffered complications from a new pregnancy, on her deathbed. As Scarlett consoles Ashley, Rhett prepares to leave Atlanta. Having realized that it was Rhett, and not Ashley she truly loved all along, Scarlett pleads with Rhett to stay, but he rebuffs her and walks away into the morning fog. 

A distraught and devastated Scarlett resolves to return home to Tara. She sees the TARDIS materialise before her once again, and with Rhett seemingly gone forever, she decides to finally join the Doctor, now in his Fifteenth incarnation, on his adventures through time and space, along with his new companion, Ruby Sunday. Scarlett vows that she will return to Tara one day and win Rhett back for good as she boards the TARDIS, which departs for places unknown.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - DANGER MOUSE MEETS THE GUMMI BEARS

Do you remember the classic 80s cartoon "Adventures of the Gummi Bears"? It was about a group of anthropomorphic bears who lived in a hidden kingdom and used a magical juice to bounce around and fight evil. Well, what if I told you that there was a secret crossover episode with another 80s icon, Danger Mouse?

That's right, the world's greatest secret agent and his faithful sidekick Penfold somehow end up in Gummi Glen, where they meet the friendly bears and joined them in their adventures. How did they get there? What was their mission? And how did they get along with the Gummis?

The episode begins with Danger Mouse and Penfold in their flying car, the MKIII, chasing after their arch-nemesis Baron Greenback, who has stolen a mysterious device from a top-secret laboratory. The device is a portal generator, which can open wormholes to different dimensions. Greenback plans to use it to escape from Danger Mouse and conquer other worlds.

However, as they are flying over a forest, the device malfunctions and creates a huge portal in the sky, sucking in both the villains and the heroes. Danger Mouse and Penfold manage to eject from the MKIII before it crashes, but they lose sight of Greenback and his henchmen. They find themselves in a strange land, full of trees, flowers and animals. They also wonder where they are and how they can get back.

Meanwhile, the Gummis are having their usual problems with Duke Igthorn, the evil lord who wants to capture them and steal their secrets. He has sent his ogres to raid Gummi Glen, hoping to find some Gummiberry juice or some ancient Gummi artefacts. The Gummis are alerted by their lookout Tummi, who sees the ogres approaching. They quickly prepare to defend their home, using their traps, weapons and juice.

After fighting off the ogres, they hear a loud explosion nearby. They think it might be another of Igthorn's tricks, so they send Sunni, Cubbi and Gruffi to investigate. They find the wreckage of the MKIII, but no sign of its occupants. They are puzzled by the strange vehicle, which looks like nothing they have ever seen before. They decide to take it back to Gummi Glen.

At the same time, Danger Mouse and Penfold are wandering around the forest, looking for clues. They encounter some of the local wildlife, such as squirrels, rabbits and birds, but none of them can help them. They also run into some trouble with a hungry wolf, a grumpy bear and a swarm of bees, but they manage to escape using their wits and gadgets.

They eventually stumble upon Gummi Glen, where they are greeted by Sunni, Cubbi, Gruffi, Zummi, Grammi and Gusto. The Gummis are surprised to see two strange creatures wearing clothes and talking. They think they might be spies sent by Igthorn or Greenback, so they are wary of them. However, they soon realize that they are not enemies, but friends who need their help.

They invite them inside their home, where they introduce themselves and explain their situation. The Gummis are amazed by their story and offer to help them find Greenback and the portal device. They also show them the MK III, which they have brought to their workshop. Danger Mouse is relieved to see that it is not completely destroyed and that he can fix it with some spare parts, along with help from Gruffi.

Danger Mouse and Penfold are impressed by the Gummis' knowledge and skills. They also enjoy their company and have fun with them. They bond with the Gummi's, who are curious about their lives and adventures. Sunni, though, develops a crush on Danger Mouse, who she finds brave, charismatic and handsome. She tries to impress him with her skills and charm, although Danger Mouse is oblivious to her feelings.

The Gummis also share some of their history and culture with Danger Mouse and Penfold. They tell them about the Great Gummis, who left long ago to find a new home after being persecuted by humans. They show them some of their inventions and discoveries, such as the Gummi Medallion, which can activate hidden Gummi devices around the world. They also allow them to try some Gummiberry juice, which allows them to bounce like the Gummis. However, Penfold cannot control his bouncing, and finds that it also gives him terrible wind.

However, Igthorn is still plotting to capture the Gummis and take over the kingdom. He learns from one of his spies that there are two new visitors in Gummi Glen who might have something to do with the explosion he heard earlier. He suspects that they might have some powerful weapon or secret that he can use against King Gregor.

He decides to launch a full-scale attack on Gummi Glen with his army of ogres. He also hires some mercenaries to help him: Greenback and his henchman Stiletto. Greenback has survived the portal and has landed in Igthorn's castle. He has agreed to work with Igthorn in exchange for his help to find the portal device and return to his own dimension.

The Gummis are caught off guard by the sudden assault. They try to fight back, but they are outnumbered and outmatched. They are forced to retreat to their underground tunnels, where they hope to hold off the invaders. Danger Mouse and Penfold join them in the defense, using their gadgets and skills.

However, they soon realize that they can't win by hiding. They need to take the fight to the enemy and stop them from destroying Gummi Glen. They also need to find Greenback and the portal device before it's too late. They decide to split up into two teams: one team will stay behind and protect Gummi Glen, while the other team will sneak into Igthorn's castle and confront Greenback.

The team that stays behind consists of Zummi, Grammi, Gusto, Tummi and Gruffi. They use their traps, weapons and juice to fend off the ogres and mercenaries. They also use their Gummi Medallion to activate some of the hidden Gummi devices around Gummi Glen, such as a giant catapult, a water cannon and a firework launcher. They manage to hold their ground and cause some damage to the enemy.

The team that sneaks into Igthorn's castle consists of Danger Mouse, Penfold, Sunni and Cubbi. They use their stealth and cunning to infiltrate the castle without being noticed. They encounter some guards and traps along the way, but they overcome them with ease. They eventually reach the throne room, where they find Greenback holding the portal device.

Greenback is surprised to see Danger Mouse and Penfold again. He taunts them and tells them that he has already used the device to open a portal to another dimension, where he plans to escape with Igthorn's treasure. He also reveals that he has rigged the device to explode after he leaves, which will destroy the castle and everything around it.

Danger Mouse and Penfold are shocked by Greenback's plan. They try to stop him, but they are attacked by Igthorn, who has arrived with some of his ogres. A fierce battle ensues between the two sides. Danger Mouse and Penfold fight against Greenback and his henchmen, while Sunni and Cubbi fight against Igthorn and his ogres.

The fight is intense and chaotic. Danger Mouse manages to knock out Stiletto and Leatherhead with his karate skills. Penfold uses his gadgets to distract and disable some of the ogres with smoke bombs, glue guns and rubber ducks. Sunni uses her bow and arrows to shoot at Igthorn from a distance. Cubbi uses his wooden sword to slash at some of the ogres up close.

However, they are still outnumbered and outgunned. Greenback manages to activate the portal device and throws it into the air. He grabs a bag of gold coins and jumps into the portal. He laughs maniacally as he disappears into another dimension.

Danger Mouse sees the portal device in the air and realizes that it is about to explode. He quickly grabs Penfold and runs towards it. He jumps into the air and catches the device before it detonates. He then throws it back into the portal, hoping that it will explode on Greenback's side.

However, as he does so, he accidentally falls into the portal himself. Sunni sees this and screams in horror. She runs towards the portal, and manages to grab Danger Mouse's hand just in the nick of time. She pulls them back into their world, saving him from certain doom. The portal explodes on  Greenback's side, trapping him another dimension.

Sunni hugs Danger Mouse tightly as she brings him back to safety. She tells him that she is glad he is alive. Danger Mouse is stunned by what just happened. He thanks Sunni for saving his life. They escape the castle just before it collapses into rubble, leaving Igthorn furious with rage.

Danger Mouse and Penfold prepare to leave Gummi Glenn, using the readings from the portal to return to their own world and time. Sunni is heartbroken to see Danger Mouse leave, but realises they have to go back to where they belong. Danger Mouse and Penfold then take off in the repaired MKIII, and return home for further adventures.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - THE POLAR EXPRESS (2004) WITH THE 7TH DOCTOR AND ACE

What if the beloved Christmas movie "The Polar Express" had a twist of time and space? What if the mysterious train conductor was none other than the 7th Doctor, and his young companion was Ace, the explosives expert? In this blog post, I will explore how this crossover could work, and why it would make a great holiday adventure.

The story begins with a young boy who is losing his faith in Santa Claus. He hears a loud noise outside his window and sees a steam train waiting for him. He is invited by the 7th Doctor, who is dressed as the conductor, to board the train and go to the North Pole. The boy is hesitant, but decides to join him. Along the way, he meets a group of other children who are also doubting Santa's existence, and Dorothy "Ace" McShane, the Doctor's companion, who is posing as a stowaway.

The train then stops to pick up a boy named Billy, who also initially refuses to board, but changes his mind as the train moves away. Much to the Doctor's annoyance, the boy applies the emergency brake, and Billy is allowed on board, but he decides to sit alone. The children are then served hot chocolate by Ace, who saves a cup for Billy.

The Doctor and Ace have a secret mission: they are trying to stop an evil alien race called the Krampus from ruining Christmas. The Krampus are planning to use their psychic powers to make all the children of the world lose their belief in Santa, and then feed on their negative emotions. The Doctor and Ace have tracked them down to the North Pole, where they have infiltrated Santa's workshop and are preparing to launch their final attack.

The train ride itself is full of dangers and wonders. The Doctor and Ace use their sonic screwdriver and Nitro-9 respectively to deal with various obstacles, such as wolves, icebergs, and broken tracks. They also show the children the beauty of the Arctic, such as the Northern Lights and the mythical Armoured Polar Bear Warriors. They try to keep their true identities hidden, but the children start to suspect that there is more to them than meets the eye.

The climax of the story happens when they reach the North Pole. The Doctor, Ace and the boy sneak into Santa's workshop and confront the Krampus leader, who has disguised himself as Santa. They manage to expose him and free the real Santa, who is tied up in a sack. The Krampus try to escape, but the Doctor uses his umbrella to activate a trap that sends them flying into a giant snow globe. He then uses his sonic screwdriver to seal them permanently inside.

The children are amazed by what they have witnessed, and their belief in Santa is restored. The Doctor reveals himself as a Time Lord, and explains that they came to save Christmas. They also tell them that they can choose to forget everything that happened, or keep their memories as a gift. The children decide to keep their memories, and they thank the Doctor and Ace for their adventure.

The Doctor and Ace bid farewell to the children, and the boy receives a special present from Santa: a silver bell from his sleigh. He also gets a hug from Ace, who tells him to never stop believing. The Doctor gives him a wink and a smile, and remind him to always be good, kind and honest. The Doctor and Ace depart in the TARDIS, which had been hidden aboard the train's caboose, leaving the boy with a sense of wonder and joy.

The story ends with the boy growing up and becoming a writer. He still has the bell, which only rings for those who believe in Santa. He also has a photo of him with the Doctor and Ace on the train, which he keeps as a reminder of his magical journey. He writes a fantasy novel based on his experience, which becomes a bestseller. He dedicates it to the Doctor and Ace, who he hopes to meet again someday.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - BEAUTY AND THE BEAST AND THE DOCTOR (1991)

What if the Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who joined the classic Disney tale of Beauty and the Beast? How would he change the story and the fate of the characters? Here's my version of how it could go:

The Doctor lands his TARDIS in a small French village, where he meets Belle, a young woman who loves reading and dreams of adventure. He is instantly intrigued by her intelligence and curiosity, and decides to join her as she goes to return a book to the local bookstore. Along the way, they encounter Gaston, a vain and arrogant hunter who wants to marry Belle, but she rejects him. The Doctor is disgusted by Gaston's behaviour, especially after he shoots a young goose in an attempt to display his manliness, and warns him to leave Belle alone.

Meanwhile, in a nearby castle, a prince has been cursed by an enchantress for his selfishness and cruelty. He has been turned into a monstrous beast, and all his servants have been transformed into household objects. The only way to break the curse is for him to find and earn true love before the last petal falls from an enchanted rose. The Beast has lost all hope and lives in isolation and despair.

Belle's father Maurice, an inventor, gets lost in the woods and stumbles upon the castle. He is captured by the Beast and locked in a dungeon. Belle, worried about her father, goes looking for him with the Doctor's help. They find the castle and Belle offers to take her father's place as the Beast's prisoner. The Beast agrees and lets Maurice go, but keeps Belle in his castle. The Doctor sneaks in and hides his TARDIS in a secret room. The Beast discovers the TARDIS and is initially distrustful of the Doctor, but Belle reassures him he is no threat to him.

The Doctor tries to befriend the Beast, hoping to find a way to lift the curse, and befriends the castle's servants, such as Lumiere, Cogsworth, Mrs. Potts, and Chip, who assist him in his plan. Along the way, he learns more about the Beast's past and his true nature, and helps him become more gentle and compassionate. He also encourages Belle to see beyond the Beast's appearance and discover his kind heart. He tells them both stories of his travels across time and space, and shows them his sonic screwdriver, which he uses to fix some of the castle's broken mechanisms, earning the Beast's trust in return. Belle is fascinated by the Doctor and his gadgets, and begins to feel more comfortable in the castle.

The Beast also starts to develop feelings for Belle, and with the Doctor's encouragement, invites her to have dinner with him. He gives her a beautiful dress and a necklace with a rose pendant. He also shows her his library, which is full of books from different eras and planets. Belle is overjoyed and thanks him for his generosity. The Doctor watches them with a smile, knowing that they are falling in love. However, he also knows that Gaston will not give up easily, and that they will have to face him in a final showdown.

Gaston is furious with rage that Belle has chosen the Beast over him. He rallies the villagers to storm the castle, steal the Doctor's TARDIS and kill the Beast, using Maurice as a witness to convince them that the Beast is a dangerous monster, and the Doctor is practicing witchcraft. The Doctor learns of Gaston's plan and warns the Beast and Belle. He tells them to escape with him in his TARDIS, but they refuse to leave their home and their friends. The Doctor respects their decision and decides to stay with them to fight Gaston.

The villagers arrive at the castle and attack it with torches and pitchforks. The enchanted servants fight back with their own weapons, such as pots, pans, candles, clocks, etc. The Doctor joins them with his sonic screwdriver, disabling some of Gaston's guns and traps. He also helps Maurice escape from Gaston's clutches and reunite with Belle.

Gaston manages to reach the tower where the Beast, heartbroken from feeling he has lost Belle forever, is hiding. He shoots him with an arrow and stabs him with a knife. The Beast is too weak and depressed to fight back, but when he sees Belle running towards him, he musters his strength and easily overpowers Gaston, throwing him off the balcony, sending him falling to his death.

Belle rushes to the Beast's side and confesses her love for him just before the last petal falls from the rose. The Doctor watches as a miracle happens: the curse is lifted, and the Beast transforms back into a human prince. His servants also regain their human forms, and they rejoice in their freedom. The prince kisses Belle and thanks her for saving him. He also thanks the Doctor for his help and friendship.

The story ends with Belle and the prince dancing in the ballroom on their wedding day, surrounded by their friends and family. They thank the Doctor for his help and wish him well in his travels. They also hope that they will see him again someday. The Doctor smiles as he watches them from his TARDIS screen, then sets off for his next adventure.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN (1982) ft' DANGER MOUSE & TMNT

In this blog post, I will attempt to rewrite the plot of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Captain Planet (1982) replacing the USS Enterprise crew with Danger Mouse and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and replacing the crew of the USS Reliant with Captain Planet and the Planeteers. This is a creative exercise and not meant to offend any fans of the original movie or the characters involved.

The plot goes something like this:

Danger Mouse, the world's greatest secret agent, is in command of the USS Enterprise, a starship that explores the galaxy and defends the United Federation of Planets. 

His crew consists of his loyal sidekick Penfold, a timid hamster; Leonardo, the leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a team of four anthropomorphic turtles trained in ninjutsu; Raphael, the hot-headed turtle who often clashes with Leonardo; Donatello, the genius turtle who operates and maintains the ship's systems and gadgets; and Michelangelo, the fun-loving turtle who provides comic relief. They are also joined by their sensei Splinter, who acts as a mentor and advisor. 

The Turtles are testing their skills in a mock battle against a Klingon vessel under Danger Mouse and Splinter's supervision, but things go wrong when they receive a distress call from a space station called Regula I. Danger Mouse decides to abandon the simulation and head to Regula I, but he is unaware that the distress call is actually a trap set by his arch-nemesis: Captain Planet, the superhero eco-warrior who has gone rogue and joined forces with the Planeteers, a group of young environmental activists who have been corrupted by his influence. Captain Planet has stolen a powerful device called Project Genesis, which can create or destroy life on any planet, and he plans to use it as a weapon against Danger Mouse and anyone who opposes his radical vision of saving the Earth.

Captain Planet is an alien being who can control the elements of earth, fire, wind, water and heart. He is aided by five young humans who each possess a ring that grants them an elemental power: Kwame from Africa, who has earth; Wheeler from North America, who has fire; Linka from Eastern Europe, who has wind; Gi from Asia, who has water; and Ma-Ti from South America, who has heart. Together, they fought against pollution and environmental destruction.

However, Captain Planet has gone mad with power and seeks to use Project Genesis to create his own utopia, where he can rule as a god. He also has a personal vendetta against Danger Mouse, who was his former friend and ally. After turning against the Federation, and attempting a global socialist coup, Captain Planet and the Planeteers were stopped by the Turtles, Danger Mouse and Splinter, and were found guilty of treason. Danger Mouse decided to exile them on Ceti Alpha V, a planet with an environment similar to Earth, where they could live in peace.

Unfortunately, a cosmic storm shortly after their arrival turned Ceti Alpha V into be a hellish world with disease and attacks from Ceti eels, parasitic creatures that enter through the ears and take over the brain. Captain Planet blamed Danger Mouse for his fate and swore revenge. He managed to escape from Ceti Alpha V when another Federation starship, the USS Reliant, arrived on Ceti Alpha VI, a neighbouring planet that their crew mistook for Ceti Alpha V. Captain Planet pretended to be friendly and offered them hospitality, but secretly took over their minds with Ceti eels. He then used their ship and the Planeteer's rings to attack Regula I and steal Project Genesis.

The Enterprise arrives at Regula I where Danger Mouse and the Turtles find it deserted. They beam down to the planetoid where Project Genesis is hidden and discover that Captain Planet has taken it. They also find Dr. Gadget Hackwrench, the lead scientist of Project Genesis and Danger Mouse's former lover; and David, her son and Danger Mouse's illegitimate child. Along with Gadget's friends, Chip & Dale - The Rescue Rangers, they join forces with Danger Mouse and the Turtles to stop Captain Planet.

Meanwhile, Captain Planet uses Project Genesis to create a massive nebula that blocks all sensors and communications. He lures the Enterprise into it and engages in a battle of wits with Danger Mouse. The two combatants exchange taunts and threats over the intercom, while their ships manoeuvre through the nebula, exchanging weapons fire that causes critical damage to both vessels. Captain Planet has an advantage with his power rings, but Danger Mouse has a crucial edge with his tactical experience and intuition.

The battle reaches its climax when the Enterprise cripples Reliant with a volley of photon torpedoes, where upon Captain Planet activates Project Genesis inside the Reliant, intending to destroy them both and create a new world in his image. Danger Mouse realizes this and orders Michelangelo to warp out of the nebula. However, the Enterprise's warp drive is still offline and they cannot escape in time. In a heroic sacrifice, Splinter goes to the engine room to manually restore the power. He succeeds, but he is exposed to lethal radiation in the process.

The Enterprise warps away from the blast just in the nick of time, and the Genesis Device transforms the nebula into a new world. Danger Mouse rushes to the engine room to see Splinter, who is dying. They share a touching farewell, where Splinter tells Danger Mouse that he has been like a son to him and that he is proud of him. He then passes away peacefully.

Danger Mouse and the Turtles are grief-stricken by Splinter's death, but also amazed by the creation of Genesis. They hold Splinter's funeral in the torpedo bay of the Enterprise, where his body is launched into orbit around the new planet. He then reconciles with David, who accepts him as his father. 

The movie ends with Danger Mouse reflecting on his life and his losses. He realizes that he is not as young as he used to be and that he has made many mistakes. He also realizes that he has gained many friends, and now a family. He decides to continue his mission and explore the galaxy with the Turtles. He quotes a line from A Tale of Two Cities, a book that Splinter gave him as a birthday gift: "It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - LABYRINTH (1985) WITH THE 10th DOCTOR

Labyrinth (1985) is a classic musical fantasy film directed by Jim Henson and starring David Bowie as Jareth, the Goblin King, and Jennifer Connelly as Sarah, a teenage girl who wishes her baby brother away. But what if the Tenth Doctor, the charismatic Time Lord from Doctor Who, played by David Tennant, was part of the story? How would he change the course of events and the fate of the characters? Here is one possible plot summary:

Sarah is a bored and rebellious teenager who loves to read fantasy books and act out scenes from them. She is annoyed by her stepmother and her baby half-brother Toby, who cries all the time and takes away her attention. One night, she wishes that the goblins would take Toby away, and to her horror, they do. She is confronted by Jareth, the Goblin King, who tells her that he has taken Toby to his castle in the center of a vast and magical labyrinth. He gives her 13 hours to solve the labyrinth and rescue Toby, or he will turn him into a goblin forever.

Sarah enters the labyrinth and meets various strange and wonderful creatures, some of whom help her and some of whom hinder her. She also encounters the Tenth Doctor, who has arrived in his TARDIS to investigate a temporal anomaly caused by Jareth's magic. The Doctor decides to help Sarah, as he is intrigued by her courage and imagination. He also warns her that Jareth is not to be trusted, as he has a dark and twisted side.

Together, Sarah and the Doctor face many challenges and dangers in the labyrinth, such as riddles, traps, illusions, monsters, and Jareth's minions. They also develop a friendship and learn from each other. Sarah realizes that she has been selfish and immature, and that she needs to grow up and take responsibility for her actions. The Doctor realizes that he has been lonely and reckless, and that he needs to find someone who can share his adventures and his life.

As they approach the castle, Jareth tries to tempt Sarah with his power and charm. He offers to make her dreams come true, if she will only forget about Toby and stay with him. He also tries to sabotage Sarah and the Doctor's relationship, by making them doubt each other's motives and feelings. He reveals that he has fallen in love with Sarah, but that he is also afraid of losing his control over the labyrinth and the goblins.

Sarah rejects Jareth's offer, as she has come to care for Toby and the Doctor more than anything else. She also tells Jareth that he can be more than a cruel and lonely king, if he will only let go of his fear and pride. The Doctor supports Sarah's decision, and tells Jareth that he can still change his ways and redeem himself.

Jareth becomes enraged and transforms into a giant owl. He attacks Sarah and the Doctor, who manage to evade him and reach the castle. There, they find Toby in a nursery surrounded by goblins. Sarah confronts Jareth one last time, and tells him that he has no power over her. She recites the final line of her favorite book: "You have no power over me." Jareth realizes that he has lost, and disappears with a cry.

Sarah hugs Toby and thanks the Doctor for his help. The Doctor tells her that he is proud of her, and that he will miss her. He invites her to join him in his travels across time and space, but she declines. She tells him that she needs to stay with her family and friends, but that she will always remember him. They share a hug and a kiss, before the Doctor returns to his TARDIS.

Sarah returns to her home with Toby, who is safe and sound. She apologizes to her stepmother for being rude, and promises to be a better sister to Toby. She also finds that her room is filled with souvenirs from the labyrinth, such as Lancelot (her teddy bear), Hoggle (a dwarf), Ludo (a gentle beast), Sir Didymus (a fox knight), Ambrosius (a sheepdog), and a blue worm. They are all her friends from the labyrinth, who have come to say goodbye. They tell her that they will always be there for her if she needs them. Sarah smiles and tells them that she will always need them.

The film ends with Sarah looking out of her window at the night sky. She sees a shooting star, which is actually the TARDIS flying away. She whispers "Goodbye" to the Doctor, before joining her friends in a celebration.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE (1985) ft' THE 13th DOCTOR

Santa Claus: The Movie (1985) is a fantasy adventure film that tells the origin story of Santa Claus and his struggle against an evil toy manufacturer. The film stars David Huddleston as Santa Claus, Dudley Moore as Patch, an elf who becomes corrupted by greed, and John Lithgow as B.Z., the villainous toy tycoon. This is my attempt to rewrite the synopsis of Santa Claus: The Movie (1985) to include the Thirteenth Doctor and her companions.

The film begins with a prologue that shows how Santa Claus came to be. He was a simple woodcarver named Claus who lived with his wife Anya in a small village. One Christmas Eve, he and his wife were caught in a snowstorm while delivering toys to the children. They were rescued by a group of elves who took them to the North Pole, where they revealed that Claus was the chosen one to become the new Santa Claus. They gave him a magic sleigh and a team of flying reindeer, and told him that he had to deliver toys to all the children of the world every Christmas Eve.

The film then jumps to the present day, where we meet the Thirteenth Doctor and her companions: Graham, Ryan, and Yaz. They are travelling in the TARDIS, a time machine disguised as a blue police box, when they detect a temporal anomaly in New York City. They decide to investigate and land in Central Park, where they encounter a young homeless boy named Joe. Joe tells them that he has been living on the streets since his parents died, and that he has no friends or family. He also tells them that he loves Christmas, but he has never received a present from Santa Claus.

The Doctor feels sorry for Joe and decides to take him along on their adventure. She tells him that they are going to find Santa Claus and ask him why he has never visited Joe. She also tells him that they have to be careful, because there is something wrong with the timeline. She suspects that someone is trying to interfere with Santa's work and ruin Christmas for everyone.

Meanwhile, at the North Pole, Santa Claus is facing a crisis. He has been delivering toys for centuries, but he feels that he is losing touch with the children of the modern world. He also worries that he is running out of time, as his magic is fading and his sleigh is falling apart. He decides to appoint an assistant, and chooses Patch, one of his most loyal and inventive elves. Patch is overjoyed by this honour and vows to help Santa make Christmas better than ever.

However, Patch's enthusiasm soon turns into obsession. He becomes obsessed with making more toys faster and cheaper, using machines instead of handcrafting them. He also becomes obsessed with proving himself better than the other elves, especially Puffy, his rival. Patch's methods cause problems for Santa and the other elves, as the quality of the toys suffers and some of them malfunction or break. Patch also ignores Santa's warnings about using too much magic, which causes the sleigh to crash during one of their deliveries.

Patch feels ashamed and humiliated by his failure. He decides to leave the North Pole and find a new way to make toys. He ends up in New York City, where he meets B.Z., a ruthless toy manufacturer who is facing bankruptcy due to his poor products and bad reputation. B.Z. sees Patch as an opportunity to save his business and exploit his elfin skills. He hires Patch as his chief designer and gives him access to his factory and resources.

Patch uses B.Z.'s factory to create a new line of toys called "Christmas II". These toys are infused with magic from Santa's sleigh, which makes them fly and do amazing things. Patch also creates a special candy cane that gives anyone who eats it the ability to fly for a short time. Patch believes that these toys will make children happy and restore his reputation as an elf.

However, Patch is unaware that B.Z. has ulterior motives. B.Z. plans to use Patch's toys as a way to make money and gain power. He also plans to sabotage Santa's work by making children lose interest in his traditional toys and prefer Patch's flashy ones. He also plans to use the candy canes as a weapon, by making them addictive and dangerous for humans.

The Doctor and her companions arrive at the North Pole, where they meet Santa Claus and his wife Anya. They explain their situation and ask for Santa's help in finding Joe's present. Santa agrees to help them, but he also asks for their help in solving his own problems. He tells them that he has lost contact with Patch and that he suspects that something is wrong with his toys.

The Doctor agrees to help Santa, but she also has another plan. She wants to use her sonic screwdriver, a device that can manipulate almost anything, to fix Santa's sleigh and boost his magic. She also wants to use the TARDIS to help Santa deliver his toys faster and more efficiently. She believes that this will help Santa reconnect with the children of the world and restore the balance of the timeline.

The Doctor and her companions join Santa on his sleigh, while Joe stays behind with Anya at the North Pole. They fly around the world, delivering toys to children and spreading joy and happiness. Along the way, they encounter some of Patch's toys, which cause trouble and confusion. They also encounter some of B.Z.'s agents, who try to stop them and capture them.

The film reaches its climax on Christmas Eve, when B.Z. launches his final scheme. He announces that he will give away free candy canes to all the children of New York City, as a way to celebrate "Christmas II". He also reveals that he has planted a bomb in his factory, which will explode at midnight and destroy all of Patch's toys and magic. He plans to escape with his money and leave Patch to take the blame.

The Doctor and her companions learn about B.Z.'s plan and rush to stop him. They arrive at his factory, where they find Patch, who has realized that B.Z. has betrayed him and used him. They also find Joe, who has run away from the North Pole and followed them to New York City. He has eaten one of the candy canes and is flying around the city.

The Doctor and her companions try to convince Patch to join them and help them stop B.Z. They also try to save Joe from the effects of the candy cane and bring him back to the ground. They face many obstacles and dangers, such as B.Z.'s henchmen, the police, and the bomb.

The film ends with a happy resolution. The Doctor and her companions manage to stop B.Z. and his plan. They also manage to save Patch, Joe, and all the children from the candy canes. They reunite with Santa Claus, who thanks them for their help and gives them a special present: a trip in his sleigh around the world. The Doctor and her companions accept the offer and enjoy the ride.

The film closes with a narration by Santa Claus, who says that he has learned a valuable lesson from his experience with the Doctor and her companions. He says that he has learned that Christmas is not about toys or magic, but about love and friendship. He says that he will always remember them and their adventure together. He also says that he hopes that they will always remember him and his message: "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"