WHY WOMEN WHO SAY THEY LIKE DAD BODS ARE LYING

New Year, new rant; today, I want to talk about a topic that has been on my mind for a while: why women who say they like dad bods are blatantly lying and actually want men with rock-hard, Men's Health model bodies-style six pack abs. You know what I'm talking about, right? Those women who claim they prefer a guy with a little extra cushion, who is not too obsessed with his appearance, who can enjoy a pizza and a beer with them. They say they find dad bods more attractive, more comfortable, more relatable. They say they don't care about muscles or abs or veins or whatever.

It's as if the very fabric of human desire has been draped over a slightly paunchy, beer-loving body and declared fashionably chic. You've seen them, haven't you? The men who, instead of chiselling their abs into a work of art, have opted for the more rustic appeal of a beer gut. They're the heroes of our time, not because they've conquered the gym, but because they've conquered the snack drawer. But here's the truth: these women are lying. Lying out of every possible orifice it is possible to lie out of and more. They are lying to themselves, to you, and to the world. They don't like dad bods. They like six pack abs. And I'm going to tell you why.

Dad bods are not sexy. They are not appealing. They are not attractive. They are not what women want. Women want men who take care of themselves, who work out, who eat well, who look good. Women want men who have six pack abs. Why? Because six pack abs are sexy. They are appealing. They are attractive. They are what women want. Six pack abs are a sign of strength, discipline, and dedication. They are a sign that you care about your health, your appearance, and your partner. They are a sign that you have not given up on yourself.

The term 'dad bod' was popularized by a college student named Mackenzie Pearson in 2015, who wrote an article titled "Why Girls Love The Dad Bod". In her article, she defined the dad bod as "a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, 'I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.'" She argued that women love the dad bod because it makes them feel more secure, more comfortable, and more confident. She claimed that women don't want to date a guy who is too obsessed with his appearance, too intimidating, or too perfect. She suggested that women want a guy who is fun, easy-going, and realistic.

The article went viral and sparked a lot of debate and discussion on social media. Many women agreed with Pearson and expressed their appreciation for the dad bod. Many men celebrated the dad bod and felt relieved that they didn't have to work so hard to impress women. Many celebrities embraced the dad bod and flaunted their flabby physiques. But was Pearson right? Is the dad bod really what women want?

The answer is no.

Firstly, the Dad Bod phenomenon seems to suggest that women have suddenly, en masse, decided that the six-pack is passé. Oh, how the tables have turned! Instead of the god-like figures of Greek mythology, we're now idolizing the bloke who looks like he might've just woken up from a nap on the sofa with a half-eaten pizza on his chest. 

However, let's not be fooled by this new wave of body positivity. The Dad Bod might be the new black, but fashion, like a fickle lover, can change its mind overnight. Today's "adorable" could be tomorrow's "needs to lay off the chips." Remember, the same women who today celebrate the Dad Bod might tomorrow be lamenting the absence of a gym membership in their partner's life. And let's not forget the practicalities. While a Dad Bod might be cuddly, it's not exactly practical for those moments when you need someone to move the furniture or carry the shopping without turning it into a three-act farce. 

So, are women who claim to love the Dad Bod lying? Perhaps not outright, but they're certainly glossing over the details. They might appreciate the comfort and the laughter, but don't be surprised if, deep down, there's still a small, secret part of them that wouldn't mind if their partner could just, maybe, lift more than just the remote control. Women may say they like men with 'dad bods', but their actions speak louder than their words. Women may date men with 'dad bods', but their eyes wander to men with six pack abs. Women may settle for men with 'dad bods', but their hearts yearn for men with six pack abs.

So why do women lie about liking men with 'dad bods'? The truth is that they are only hurting themselves and the men they date by lying. They are hurting themselves because they are denying their true feelings and desires. They are hurting the men they date because they are leading them on and giving them false hope.

So what is the solution to the dad bod problem? The solution is simple: women must stop lying. Stop lying to yourselves and to the world. Stop lying about what you want and what you deserve. Stop lying about what makes you happy and what makes you fulfilled.

Instead, start telling the truth.

Happy New Year.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S PREDICTIONS FOR 2024

January: The world breathed a sigh of relief as the pandemic finally came to an end, thanks to the miraculous vaccine developed by a team of scientists in Antarctica. However, the celebration was short-lived, as a new virus emerged, dubbed "penguin flu", which was resistant to all existing vaccines and treatments. The only way to avoid infection was to wear a full-body suit made of feathers.

February: Elon Musk announced his plan to colonize Mars by 2030, and invited anyone who wanted to join him to sign up for a one-way ticket. Thousands of people applied, hoping to escape the chaos and misery on Earth. However, they soon discovered that the trip was not as glamorous as they had imagined, as they had to endure cramped spaceships, recycled food, and constant exposure to cosmic radiation every time they needed to take a sh*t.

March: A massive cyberattack crippled the internet, causing widespread panic and confusion. The hackers, who called themselves "The Luddites", claimed that they wanted to restore humanity to its natural state, free from technology and artificial intelligence. They demanded that all governments and corporations surrender their digital assets and devices, or face further attacks. The world was plunged into darkness, as people struggled to communicate, work, and entertain themselves without the internet. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected.

April: A giant asteroid, named "Apophis", was detected heading towards Earth, with a high probability of impact. NASA launched a desperate mission to deflect it, using a nuclear bomb attached to a rocket. However, the bomb failed to detonate, and instead pushed the asteroid closer to Earth. The impact was expected to cause global devastation, mass extinction, and the postponement of a number of Scottish football league fixtures.

May: In a surprising twist of fate, Apophis missed Earth by a hair's breadth, thanks to a gravitational slingshot from the Moon. The world rejoiced, as the asteroid flew past harmlessly. However, the celebration was short-lived, as Apophis had been on course to land directly on Harry's Styles' house.

June: A mysterious phenomenon occurred, as millions of people around the world reported seeing visions of their deceased loved ones. Some believed that it was a sign of the afterlife, while others suspected that it was a hoax or a hallucination. Scientists were baffled by the phenomenon, until they realised that the Doctor Who episode "Army of Ghosts" had been released on Oculus Rift.

July: A global war broke out, as tensions between major powers escalated over various issues, such as climate change, trade disputes, territorial claims, nuclear proliferation, and who had pinched the last Kit-Kat from the UN biscuit tin. The war was fought with conventional weapons, as well as cyberwarfare and biological warfare. The death toll rose rapidly, as cities were bombed, infrastructure was destroyed, and diseases were spread. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected.

August: A massive earthquake shook the planet, triggering volcanic eruptions and tsunamis. The quake was so powerful that it altered the Earth's axis and rotation speed, causing changes in the climate and seasons. The quake also opened up fissures in the crust, releasing ancient creatures and pathogens that had been dormant for millions of years. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected, and a number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

September: A cult leader named "The Messiah" emerged, claiming that he was sent by God to save humanity from the apocalypse. He amassed a large following of loyal disciples, who believed that he could perform miracles and heal the sick. He also claimed that he had a direct line to God, and that he knew when and how the world would end. However, his claims were dismissed as he was unable to predict if the 16:30 train to Dunstable would arrive on time.

October: A zombie outbreak occurred, as people who had been infected by the penguin flu mutated into flesh-eating monsters. The zombies were fast, strong, and intelligent, and could infect others with a bite or a scratch. They also had a peculiar preference for human brains over other organs. Katie Price was unaffected. A number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

November: A alien invasion took place, as extra-terrestrial beings landed on Earth in massive spaceships. They claimed that they came in peace, and that they wanted to help humanity overcome its problems. However, they soon revealed their true intentions, as they began to abduct humans for experiments and harvest their resources for their own use. Those living in Hartlepool were unaffected, and a number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

December: A miracle happened, as the world suddenly returned to normal. All the disasters and calamities that had plagued the year were reversed or erased, as if they had never happened. The people who had died or disappeared were restored to life or returned to their families. The planet was healed and restored to its original state. The cause of this miracle was unknown, but some speculated that it was a gift from God or a cosmic reset button. However, a number of Scottish football league fixtures were postponed.

THE RANTING BRUMMIE'S CHRISTMAS MASHUPS - GONE WITH THE WIND (1939) FEATURING ALL THE DOCTORS

"Gone With the Wind" (1939) is a classic novel and film that tells the story of Scarlett O'Hara, a spoiled Southern belle who lives through the American Civil War and Reconstruction. But what if she also encountered the various incarnations of the Doctor, the time-traveling alien hero from "Doctor Who", in her adventures? Here is a possible plot summary of how that could happen.

The story begins in 1861, when Scarlett is 16 years old and in love with Ashley Wilkes, who is engaged to his cousin Melanie Hamilton. At a barbecue at the Wilkes plantation, she meets an enigmatic elderly gentleman who calls himself the Doctor, a time traveller who has arrived in his TARDIS with his granddaughter Susan and his companions Ian and Barbara. The Doctor warns Scarlett that a war is coming and she should leave Tara, her family's plantation, for her safety, but she disbelieves him. She also meets Rhett Butler, a charming but cynical rogue who is instantly attracted to her.

The American Civil War breaks out and Scarlett's world is turned upside down. She marries Melanie's brother Charles, who dies of pneumonia soon after. She moves to Atlanta with Melanie, who is pregnant with Ashley's child. There, she meets the Second Doctor, who has regenerated into a new body after a battle with the deadly Cybermen. He is accompanied by Jamie and Zoe, who help Scarlett and Melanie escape from the city when it is besieged by the Union army. They also encounter Rhett again, who helps them get past a blockade.

Scarlett returns to Tara, where she finds her mother dead, her father senile, and the plantation in ruins. She vows to never be hungry again and takes charge of the family's survival. She also finds the Third Doctor, who has been exiled to Earth by his race, the Time Lords, and forced to regenerate again. He helps Scarlett to fend off scavengers and carpetbaggers who try to take advantage of the war-torn South. He also introduces her to his companion Jo Grant, who becomes friends with Scarlett.

Scarlett decides to marry her sister's beau Frank Kennedy, who owns a successful store in Atlanta. She uses his money to rebuild Tara and start a lumber business. She meets the Fourth Doctor, who has regenerated after being poisoned by radiation on the planet Metabelis III. He now travels with Sarah Jane Smith and Harry Sullivan, who are investigating a mysterious energy source in Atlanta. They discover that it is caused by the Master, the Doctor's arch-enemy, who plans to use a Time Lord artefact called the Key to Time to destroy the Earth. Together, they destroy the Key and foil the Master's scheme.

Scarlett becomes a wealthy and influential woman in Atlanta, but she is still unhappy. She realizes that she loves Rhett, who has made a fortune as a blockade runner and a gambler. She divorces Frank and marries Rhett, who gives her everything she ever wanted: a lavish mansion, and social acceptance. She comes face to face with the Fifth Doctor, who regenerated after falling from a radio telescope during another battle with the Master. He now travels with Adric, Nyssa and Tegan, who are trying to fix the TARDIS after it was damaged by a Cyberman attack. They join forces with Scarlett and Rhett to thwart a plot by the Black Guardian, who aims to use the Hand of Omega to alter history.

Scarlett's marriage to Rhett begins to fall apart due to her obsession with Ashley. She meets the Sixth Doctor, regenerated after contracting spectrox toxaemia on the planet Androzani and his companion Peri Brown, an American botany student from Fell's Point in Baltimore, Maryland. They encounter a battalion of Sontarans, who are planning to create a clone army and turn the tide of the Civil War in favour of the Confederacy, before intending to usurp them themselves. The Doctor and Peri team up once more with Scarlett and Rhett to stop them. The tide of war turns against the Confederacy after the Battle of Gettysburg, in which any of the men of Scarlett's town are killed. 

Eight months later, as the Union Army besieges the city in the Atlanta campaign, Melanie gives birth with Scarlett's aid, and Rhett helps them flee the city, before he chooses to go off to fight himself. She comes across the Seventh Doctor, who regenerated when his TARDIS was attacked by his rival Time Lord, the Rani. He now travels with Ace, a rebellious teenager from London. They encounter an ancient evil: Fenric, an entity that feeds on chaos and despair, who has manipulated events throughout history to create a web of suffering across America, including triggering the Civil War itself. The Doctor and Ace, together with Scarlett, manage to break his curse, helping to bring an end to the Civil War.

Scarlett realizes that she has lost everything that mattered to her: Rhett, Melanie, Ashley (who has remarried), and Tara (which has been sold). She encounters the Eighth Doctor and his companion, Grace Holloway, a cardiologist who operated on him after being shot by 20th century gangsters in San Francisco, causing him to regenerate once more. They face one of the Doctor's oldest enemies: Davros, the creator of the Daleks. He has escaped from his prison on Skaro and intends to use the Eye of Harmony to take over the universe. The Doctor, Grace and Scarlett are able defeat him, but Scarlett is left feeling fearful of the Daleks after the Doctor chronicles his battles with them to her.

With the defeat of the Confederacy and the end of the Civil War, the O'Haras toil in the cotton fields. One afternoon on a trip to Columbus, Scarlett talks to an elderly Englishman in a who says he too fought in a war, which he refers to as the "Time War", that he 'used to be a Doctor', but refers to himself as such no more. Scarlett decides to start a new life and travels to Ireland, where she reconnects with her ancestral roots. She meets the Ninth Doctor, who regenerated after the Time War. He now travels with Rose Tyler, a shop assistant from London who became his companion after he saved her from the Autons. They witness the Easter Rising, a rebellion against British rule. They also encounter a group of Slitheen, who are disguised as human military leaders and plan to use the rebellion to infiltrate human society to pave the way for a full-scale invasion. The Doctor and Rose are able stop them with Scarlett's help once again.

Scarlett settles in Ireland and becomes involved in the Irish War of Independence and the Irish Civil War. She meets the Tenth Doctor, who regenerated after absorbing the Time Vortex from Rose in order to save her life, and Martha Jones, a medical student from London who joined him after he saved her from the Judoon. They land in Ireland, where they face a new threat: the Weeping Angels, statues that can move when not observed and send people back in time to feed on their time displacement energy. The Doctor and Martha manage to escape from them with Scarlett's assistance, and trap the Angels permanently in a time loop.

Scarlett lives a peaceful life in Ireland until she receives a letter from Rhett, who asks her to come back to him, but not before she runs into the Eleventh Doctor. His companions are Amy Pond and Rory Williams, a married couple from Leadworth. Amy explains to Scarlett that they became his companions years after he crashed his TARDIS in Amy's backyard when she was a child when the Doctor regenerated after defeating the Master and the Time Lords. They encounter a colony of Silurians, reptilian humanoids who were the original inhabitants of Earth, and who want to reclaim their planet from humans. The Doctor, Amy, Rory and Scarlett are able prevent them from doing so, using Scarlett's experiences from the Irish uprising.

Scarlett decides to finally return to America and reunite with Rhett. As she arrives in New York, she comes across the Twelfth Doctor, finally having regenerated after centuries spent fighting the Daleks and Cybermen on Trenzalore. He travels with Clara Oswald, a pretty young school teacher from London who became his companion after he saved her from the Great Intelligence. They they face another old foe of the Doctor's: the Zygons, shape-shifting aliens who can impersonate humans. They have infiltrated the US government and plan to use a device called an Osgood Box to trigger a world war. However, the Doctor, Clara and Scarlett are able to broker a truce, after Scarlett tells them of the immense poverty and suffering caused by the Civil War.

Scarlett finds Rhett waiting for her at Tara, which he has bought back for her. They embrace and declare their love for each other. She meets the Thirteenth Doctor, who to Scarlett's surprise has regenerated into a sprightly blonde woman after falling from a spaceship. She travels with Graham O'Brien, Ryan Sinclair and Yasmin Khan, three friends from Sheffield who became her companions after they encountered an alien threat called the Stenza. Together they face the Morax, parasitic aliens who can possess humans and turn them into mud zombies. They have escaped from their prison in Andersonville, a former Confederate prisoner-of-war camp, to conquer the Earth. Scarlett once again helps the Doctor and her companions to defeat them. 

Scarlett and Rhett have a daughter, Bonnie, but Scarlett still pines for Ashley and, chagrined at the perceived ruin of her figure, refuses to have more children or share a bed with Rhett. One night, she encounters the Fourteenth Doctor, but is shocked to find that he now has a similar appearance to that of his tenth incarnation, and they reminisce about their lives, loves and losses. After the Doctor departs in his TARDIS, Scarlett and Rhett argue about Ashley. A drunken Rhett forces himself upon Scarlett, and carries her against her will to the bedroom. Rhett subsequently apologizes for his behaviour and offers Scarlett a divorce, which she rejects. 

When Rhett returns from a trip to London, Scarlett informs him she is pregnant, but an argument ensues, resulting in her falling down a flight of stairs and, despite help from a strong-willed black English nurse called Ruth Clayton, suffers a miscarriage. While recovering, tragedy strikes when Bonnie dies attempting to jump a fence on her pony. Scarlett and Rhett visit Melanie, who has suffered complications from a new pregnancy, on her deathbed. As Scarlett consoles Ashley, Rhett prepares to leave Atlanta. Having realized that it was Rhett, and not Ashley she truly loved all along, Scarlett pleads with Rhett to stay, but he rebuffs her and walks away into the morning fog. 

A distraught and devastated Scarlett resolves to return home to Tara. She sees the TARDIS materialise before her once again, and with Rhett seemingly gone forever, she decides to finally join the Doctor, now in his Fifteenth incarnation, on his adventures through time and space, along with his new companion, Ruby Sunday. Scarlett vows that she will return to Tara one day and win Rhett back for good as she boards the TARDIS, which departs for places unknown.